🧙 crust punk christian 🐌

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

INTRO POST

sup I am Eggy but I will respond to any variation of the word egg (eg. eggs, eggo, eggsy, eggatron, chicken byproduct, etc). I’m a triple A battery (aro, ace, agender), my pronouns are they/he/it, I’m white, and I’m in my 20s. I’m also punk and christian and if you have a problem with me being both you can kindly fuck off :)

this is my main blog and I am really just posting whatever makes me go “yeah I’ll reblog that” with the very rare original post but if you’re looking for a cohesive thread here good luck

if you want a blog with consistency I recommend you follow one of my sideblogs, which have explicit purposes. they are listed at the bottom of this post. otherwise, welcome to chaos

no dni bc they don’t work, but exclusionists are not welcome here, nor anti-theists, racists, sexists, transphobes, etc. I will block whoever I want for any reason I want and I don’t need to defend myself for that. this is my little chunk of the internet and I’m gonna decide what that looks like for me.

quick note I don’t pass on or answer most ask chain stuff, send it if you want but I probably won’t respond

one last thing - feel free to ask me to tag stuff. most things I’m gonna be cool with sticking a tag on (exceptions go to stuff like tagging queer as a slur).

other blogs:

@approximately20blorbos sideblog for writing (particularly my novel), my ocs, and dnd

@i-throw-eggs-at-art-i-like sideblog where I reblog art, art tutorials, and reference images

@wizard-breakfast sideblog for dnd stuff behind the scenes that I don’t necessarily want my players to see, so if I’m your DM for anything, kindly keep out :)

@approximately20books sideblog for serious posting about the books I’m reading, both fiction and nonfiction

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[lizardsfromspace]

"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, here with another taste test. I'm here in 1976, and I'm gonna get some fries from Mickey D's before they changed the recipe, and then I'm gonna take 'em back to 2022, and get fries from the same McDonald's, so I can compare. Now, I've got my Nixon, uh, Ford? Carter? Era fries right here, so now I'm gonna"

*everything appears stretched and distant, and then the camera flies through space, through the sun, over millions of different Earths, past the faces of individual people in a thousand different timelines, splintered day by day, the long-dead alive once more, their varied futures lying before them. They appear to be screaming*

"annnnnd here we are, gettin' the new fries, today. I have to say, I like the old fries a bit better, bit more crisp, but Mickey D's fries are still Mickey D's fries, y'know? Anyway, I know some of you guys were freaked out at all the screaming time faces last video, but like, I'm used to 'em, and they aren't even audible to me? But y'know what is audible? That's right - Audible, use code -"

[lizardsfromspace]

"Hi y'all, it’s Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, here to respond to some allegations."

"Lots of you are saying, Chronomaster42, why don't you stop World War II? And I keep saying that I can't change history. History's got, like, antibodies, and these haters eject me back to my time if I do anything that'll change anything. Like the space time con...tainium doesn't want me traveling around time."

"And before you start bringing up that guy who erased...France? The fuck is France? From ever existing, that wasn't me, you guys. Get your facts straight. That was @true_chronomaster, the only TikToker with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space. i have nothing to do with the Evil Leaper Challenge. I don't have a shadow self. But y'know what I do have? Some words from our sponsor, Raid: Shadow Legends -"

[lizardsfromspace]

"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and today I'm gonna be doing the challenge Gamer_Springtrap2011 gave me, where I'm travelin' back in time to finally figure out which religion is true, and then I'm gonna make a tier list so we can put all this drama about which religion's the right one behind us and just settle on one of 'em that's the best. Like, finally, you know?"

"But before we go back in time to see if Adam and Eve was real, we've gotta check in with our sponsor, Adam and Eve, discreet packaging and shipping -"

[lizardsfromspace]

"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, still sorry to every world religion, though like, you should really be mad at Gamer_Springtrap2011 for trolling me so hard. I got trolled guys. I'm sorry for my video 'CHALLENGE: I get this guy sitting under a tree in India to break his concentration'. I'm sorry for my video 'WHOA: I told a Roman cop where a guy was and got THIRTY SILVER COINS?!?!?' and shout out to Judas for catching my strays. Like, guys, I'm sorry. You should be mad at Gamer_Springtrap2011 though."

"Anyways, I've got this cool new money-making opportunity in the past. So like, what if we take things from the past, and sell them now? I found this guy with all this metal in his house, and it turns out nowadays they'll pay a lot for it 'cause normally you can only get copper from people stealing wire to pay for meth, but this is really good, honest copper. But like, I've gotta preserve history and shit, so I've been taking his copper and replacin' it with painted rocks. I think people are realizing 'cause every time I go to his house the copper guy's real mad and carrying stone tablets, it's funny. That Earnie Sir guy may be selling bad metal, but if you want real metal to hang on your walls, check out our sponsor Displate -"

[lizardsfromspace]

"Hi y'all, it's TimeController73, the one EbaumsTuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and I uh, think I might have messed up the continuum a bit. I'm gonna take some time to fix it, but you know who will have the movie you want to stream right now? Today's sponsor, Blockbuster+..."

[lizardsfromspace]

"Hello y'all, it's ChronoMaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and we've gotta talk about something important. Earlier this month I asked to ride that submersible down to the Titanic. They said no 'cause I didn't have enough money. So, like, I thought, man, you can control time and space! Go back to the real thing."

"But thing is, I got back there, right, and I was hopin' I could push Leo back on that raft 'cause the two of them could totally fit, CinemaSins had the real shit on that, but get this: he wasn't even there? Like, the two of them aren't even real? I looked all over the Titanic for 'em and I ended up falling from the ship when it broke in half so I made a portal under me, and it's kind of scary that I could have died on the Titanic and not been able to make content anymore. If I died in 1912 and didn't have new videos the algorithm would deprioritize me, y'know? It's so scary to think about. And like, I know I said the screaming faces of everyone's potential futures didn't get to me but man, they kinda get to you when there's also a lot of people screaming in the water."

"When I got back to 2023 I had two boxes on my doorstep. One was unmarked and just had a note in it saying 'THEY ARE COMING. THE RECKONING IS NEAR. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE, AND THE ANTIBODIES GROW. YES, THEY DO GROW, AND THEY HUNGER.' And I'm kinda hungry too, 'cause I didn't eat on the Titanic, so it's good that the other was my first meal kit from today's sponsor, Hello Fresh..."

[lizardsfromspace]

“Hi, y’all, it’s ChronoMaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and I’ve got some exciting news. I’m gonna be collabing with Mr. Beast on a new challenge video where we, like, go back in time and try to survive for seven days. It’s gonna be cool as hell. We wanted to go back to Imperial China, but Mr. Beast said he was afraid we might not be respectful enough to the Emperor and thus would commit 大不敬, one of the Ten Abominations, and due to our non-noble status, we wouldn’t be able to rely on the “八議” or ‘Eight Deliberations’. Which, like, fair ‘nough. So we settled on our backup plan, which is a lot safer: France in 1916! Man, I can’t wait to see the Eiffel Tower before it got all old stuff and like, we’re gonna see it! Stay tuned, guys!”

ALT

[lizardsfromspace]

ALT

*deep breath*

“Hello, you all. It’s ChronoMaster42, and normally I’m the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space. But today...I’m the only Youtuber who’s sorry they got Mr. Beast exploded.”

“I am. I know everyone’s canceling me, they’re canceling everyone just cause – it was his idea to go back to the Western Front anyway, and…”

*sigh*

“I’m sorry. I understand how upset you all are at the exploding of Mr. Beast. I want to apologize to the internet and to the whole Chrono crew, ‘cause I know I, uh, *stares into the camera* have changed a lot as a human being, and I’m disappointed in myself more than I’m disappointed in...myself, for going too far? Man, I don’t know what I can do to make it right.”

“I’ve been reflecting. I mean. Reflecting and I’m sorry and like, I understand. I’ll never explode Mr. Beast again. Though...he’s kinda already exploded...and I…don’t think I can re-explode him...”

“*deep breath*”

“I’m sorry for my actions, and I want to move on from this and make videos in the future, with my sponsor...with my sponsor...with my...*furious clicking*...I...don’t have a sponsor. I’ve...I’ve been demonetized! No! No, no, no...let me appeal. Let me appeal…”

“*click*”

A cloud appears behind ChronoMaster42, a swirling vortex through which one can see flashes of times from across all of history, across many timelines; it advances on him.

“What – uh, antibodies, you’re not, like, supposed to be in the present! ‘cause it’s not fixed and shit, and -!”

The cloud envelops ChronoMaster42, who screams, a trail of faces screaming into infinity within the cloud as he, and the antibody, vanish. Stream runs for over four hours with a shot of his empty room, until it’s turned off by a sudden power failure.

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[kropotkindersurprise]

July 25, 2023 - Striking stuntman Mike Massa walks in the SAG-AFTRA picket line while on fire. [video]

[saintnoname2]

So, so, so badass.  What a chillingly powerful message this sends.  People have been lighting themselves on fire as a form of protest for centuries, but this might be the first time it’s been done by a professional who knows what he’s doing while under the supervision of professionals who know what they’re doing.

[solarpunk-sunshine]

not as an act of self-destruction but as a display of skill

I'm in awe

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[powerfulwizard]

[scyllagf-deactivated20230531]

[ID: A hand pointing to an edited poster from the Simpsons with text in all caps that says, "Don't forget: Theythemming trans women and men and non-binary people who dont use they is still misgendering" /End ID.]

[dabwax]

And like, intersex people. Pls start including us in this kind of stuff.

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

i see a post talking doom and gloom about how we'll never escape toxic masculinity. i think about back in 2017 when american girl released their first boy doll, and a review for him went viral in the collecting community. the review was written by a mom, who said they went into the store to get their daughter a doll, only to see their son's eyes light up like fire when he saw a doll that looked like him, and now every night he puts his doll in pajamas and rocks him to sleep. i think about the toddler in my daycare room a few years back who was obsessed with baby dolls, carrying them everywhere, and his mom proudly told us he uses his sisters' old baby dolls and wants to be just like them. that toddler saw another toddler crying one day and gave her the doll he had to cheer her up. i think about the eight-year-old boy i saw a few years back, excitedly waving around raya's sword in a target checkout line like all his dreams were coming true. there was a video on my instagram the other day of a little boy at disneyworld crying with joy upon meeting his hero, mulan. i think about the voice actor for bow in the she-ra reboot saying his nephews only wanted adora action figures. celebrity men are wearing dresses on tv now. last halloween i saw a little boy dressed as elsa. i went to go see spiderverse over the summer, and in the line ahead of me was a boy who couldn't be older than twelve or thirteen, bouncing and beaming, giddy with excitement over getting to see the female-led romance movie elemental. i think about the five-year-old boy at my library who breathlessly asked me where the pinkalicious books were, eyes widening when i had more on my cart, his mom explaining that he is all about pinkalicious and fancy nancy. i saw so many pictures online of boys and men dressed in pink to see barbie. teenage boys are gonna open their phones and see the man who wrote fucking game of thrones dressed in pink to see barbie. when i was a kid, a boy dressing in pink was practically a social death sentence. there are boys running around in pink on my street right now.

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[polluza]

did you refer to your high school as just “*name* high” like they do in the movies like “east high” or “sky high” or did you always add “school” to the end of it

high school

just high

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[officialprydonchapter-deactivat]

Can you do something for me, please?

I want you to reblog this if you believe that two people can be very close and physically affectionate with one another, but still have a completely nonsexual, non-romantic relationship. 

Even if the two people in question are capable of being sexually or romantically attracted to one another. 

Because the friendship I share with someone I consider family in a way that transcends blood has been typecast as a romantic relationship ENTIRELY too many times, and I’m beginning to get sick of it. 

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[freshpickle]

fuck i completely forgot i need to curl up on my couch and scroll my phone for six hours. can we reschedule

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[jupiter-suggestion]

consider the sperm whale and the squid. an ancient rivalry that dates back millions of years. we know the whales eat the squids. we know the squids do not make it easy for them. we know this because of the scars the whales carry, scars on the outside of their body, and on the inside as well. how badly must you want something to endure wounds inside your mouth? inside your gut?

consider the whale, who is harmed by what sustains her. consider the squid, whose flesh is soft and delicious but refuses to go down easy.

[subrosadraco]

This post is about lactose intolerance I can smell it.

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[huffylemon]

[oof-i-did-it-agaaiiin]

FOOLS. YOU’RE ALL FOOLS.

[🧙 crust punk christian 🐌]

[iicraft505]

Compilation of people holding things that shouldn't be held, please add more if you have any

[iicraft505]

[iicraft505]

@chai-cow-ski

[ciderli]

@is-the-snake-video-cute looks like a coral snake (blunt nose) but double checking- is it ?

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

That's indeed a coral snake, good ID!!

This thread is full of the luckiest people on the planet, I think. Also goes to show just how calm even venomous snakes are - coral snakes rarely bite unless you're actively harassing them - and how important it is to make sure your ID as non-venomous is 1000% certain before picking up any wild snake.

[circleturk]